I have a secret. I hear voices. It's true. When I'm helping my kids through some emotional crisis, I have a little voice in my head asking "Is this an adoption thing or a kid thing?" There is constant chatter in my head as this voice analyzes life with my kids.
Sunday morning Sophie and I stayed home since I was still feeling sick. About 1pm James and the rest of the kids came in the door. Everyone was happy and talking...except Maddie. She had a storm on her face. She started talking to me and it was just a mess. She's a challenge to understand on normal days but throw in bouts of tears and it's nearly impossible. In the middle of one tearful outburst I looked at James, "What in the world happened???" He had no idea. "clueless about adoption issues" added that voice in my head.
I started asking her questions, "Did someone say something mean at church? Did something hurt your feelings? Were your brothers being bossy?" She kept shaking her head no. I finally asked her to sign so I could understand and she signed "No help. No fun." and burst into tears once again.
That started a whole other round of questions as I tried my hardest to figure out what had upset her so badly. "Did you need help and no one would help you? Did someone tell you you were no fun?" And the whole time that little voice in my head is asking "IS this an adoption issue? Is it about her cleft? her speech? being abandoned?" I want nothing more than to beat up whatever demon is causing her pain.
She continues to sign, "You tell me clean my room after church." ::BIG shaky breath tears and slobber flying:: "It NO FUN clean room with NO HELP!" ::another eruption as I dab tears and dodge slobber balls:: And then.
I begin to realize.
That demon?
It's
me.
I sat back suddenly with a gasp. "Oh! Is that what this is about?? You don't want to clean your room?" And then that little voice in my head breathes a sigh of relief, checks off "kid issue" and begins to laugh.
poor Maddie.
Being a kid is tough.
2 comments:
I used to do this to myself, too, though with my children the voice in my head was, "Is this a kid issue or because my children are from ::duhn duhn duhn duhn:: a 'broken home'?".
Yeah. Parenting ain't for sissies. LOL Good thing God is bigger than the boogie man--whomever he may be. :)
Very well said! I think we are hearing the same little voice as mine says the same thing!
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